Teddy-Bear App: A Flash-Fiction Appetizer
My human started using a dating app, and after a while I thought, why shouldn’t a lonely teddy bear do the same? Sure, I had my human, but I was the only stuffed animal around, and when she was at work, the hours sometimes dragged. So one night after she fell asleep, I swiped her phone off the bedside table and tried it out. My fur made it difficult to text, so I had to keep it short: Stuffed teddy seeks same for LTR, share nice human and cosy bed, likes bouncing, reading, window gazing, playing hide-and-seek, and Shakespeare.
Over the next few nights responses poured in from all kinds of stuffed animals. Soon I was texting back and forth with a stuffed lion named Kester. We traded pictures and talked about everything under the heat lamp, like our favorite books and whether humans had a theory of self and why you should never trust a kitten. Kester’s house was full of kittens, as well as children and other pets, and he felt strongly about it. He often felt overwhelmed by a veritable crowd of toys and said my place sounded peaceful.
We decided to meet. The question was, how? Kester lived clear across the country. He said he could get balloons from his children and tie them to a basket, but I said the wind was unreliable and suggested he try a toy airplane. After he crashed one in his backyard, he decided to switch to broomsticks, but the household whisk broom, which was the only thing his size, turned out to be wild and bucked him off.
After that I suddenly stopped hearing from him. Night after night I got no answer to my anxious texts. Was he hurt, or maybe lost? There was no way to know. The only times I felt okay were when my human came to bed, tucked herself in with me and told me about her day. I tried to be warm and understanding, as always, but sometimes it was hard.
Then one day the mail carrier came to the door with a delivery. My human brought it into the bedroom, saying, “You got some mail, Teddy!” And there was Kester! He had mailed himself to me!
I had to soak the stamps and the address label off his fur, but other than that he was fine. They had let him ride on the dash, and he said it had been just like riding a stagecoach with Mark Twain. We clicked right away and he’s been here ever since. Our human gave us matching rainbow shirts she’d been saving for a baby shower, and we started learning how to get along with each other. When she’s gone, we bounce as high as we can, or play our favorite songs for each other, or read Shakespeare aloud, taking turns with all the parts. When she’s here, scrolling through her dating app, we snicker behind our paws and wish her the best of luck.
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